


Battle Scars

by BlackWidow1996



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Cussing, Depression, F/F, Mentions of Suicide, References to Depression, Self Loathing, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Talking to herself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 02:26:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11704884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackWidow1996/pseuds/BlackWidow1996
Summary: The wound heals but it never doesThat’s cause you’re at war with love-----An angsty Yumikuri songfic.





	Battle Scars

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning for suicide

The wound heals but it never does  
That’s cause you’re at war with love  
You’re at war with love, yeah  
She was hurt, bad. It wasn’t a physical wound, but an emotional one. It constantly hurt her, hurt to think about the sunshine color of the girl’s hair and the beautiful ocean blue tone of her eyes, her laugh that was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard.  
These battle scars, don’t look like they’re fading  
Don’t look like they’re ever going away  
They ain’t never going to change  
These battle  
It had been so long ago, the day the girl she adored had told her those few words.  
“I can’t love a monster like you.” She had told the taller brunette woman. The brunette had been stunned into silence by that simple sentence.  
But…you said you would always be by my side no matter what…  
It was…all a lie…?  
She couldn’t feel anything in that moment, couldn’t hear. All of her senses had become blinded at that moment, just pure white nothingness had pushed into her senses.  
But suddenly, she felt it. She felt everything. And it hurt, it hurt so bad that she had thought in that moment she was dying.  
Never let a wound ruin me  
But I feel ruins wooing me  
It wasn’t like her to let someone hurt her. She usually never let anyone get close enough to her to let someone hurt her. But this time around, she was wrong. She let the angel, the demon, in and it crushed her without hesitation.  
Arrow holes that never close from cupid on a shooting spree  
Feeling stupid cause I know it ain’t no you and me  
The pain felt like a hunter’s arrow had pierced through her body thousands of times. All of a sudden, her mind told her something. And it made her laugh, it was just so fucking funny to her.  
“She doesn’t love you! Why would she? You’re retarded for thinking she would ever want to be with you, let alone marry you!” Her mind had told her, making her laugh in just pure insanity.  
But when you’re trying to beat the odds up  
Been trying to keep your nods up and you know that you should know  
And let her go but the fear of the unknown  
Ymir had reached out to the space in front of her, hoping that it was all just a dream, hoping she would wake up in her bed with her sweet little goddess still cuddled up into her side.  
Holding another lover’s phone sends you back into the zone  
With no Tom Hanks to bring you home  
A lover not a fighter on the front line with a poem  
Trying to write yourself a rifle  
Maybe sharpen up a song  
To fight the tanks and drones of you being alone  
She had always known that she was not a fighter. She looked and acted tough, tried her best to seem hard and to step to the challenge should anyone dare try to step to her. When it came to being with the short girl, the mask fell from her face and her heart would swell as if she had just seen an excited puppy run up to her.  
In those moments, when they would touch, she was at home. She was happiest when she held the other girls hand and softly kissed her.  
It was all gone. So fast, it was gone.  
I wish I never looked  
I wish I never touched  
I wish that I could stop loving you so much  
Cause I am the only one that’s trying to keep us together  
When all of the signs say that I should forget her  
Ymir had quickly fallen into a depression after Historia had told her those words. Ymir would lie in her bed and stare at the walls and ceiling just wishing to fall asleep and never awaken. She would wish that she had never met the girl, never taken an interest in her. Never held her close to her body and inhaling the sweet scent of her hair as she had hugged her.  
Her other friends were scared. Scared that something bad might happen; they would try to invite her out to do different things with them. But she would ignore the messages on her phone and bury her face into her pillow.   
The number next to the messaging icon grew steadily, but she never opened it up. Because she knew she would scroll right past the others and tap the screen where it said the cute blonde’s name.  
I wish you weren’t the best, best I ever had  
I wish that the good outweighed the bad  
Cause it’ll never be over until you tell me it’s over  
“Then just fucking leave then!” Ymir had snapped at the small girl.  
You shouldn’t have said it but you said it  
“And I hope you never come back, Reiss!” she added on to her previous statement with venom in her voice.  
She reveled in the expression on her now exes face, Ymir had only ever called people she hated by their last names. And it took a lot for Ymir to hate someone. In that moment, Ymir felt like she was on top of the world.  
It shouldn’t have happened but you let it  
Now you’re down on the ground screaming medic  
The only thing that comes is the post-traumatic stresses  
Shields, body armors and vests don’t properly work  
That’s why you’re in a locker full of hurt  
The enemy within and all the fires from your friends  
The best medicine’s to probably just let her win  
It really should have never happened, she should’ve tried to stop it all when she had the chance. But she didn’t, she just let it happen, not thinking about the consequences.  
‘What is that sound…?’ she thought to herself, hearing a muted deafening sound of an siren. She had blacked out when she saw figures above her.  
The next thing she knew she was being blinded by bright white lights. She hissed in irritation, pulling her hands up in front of her eyes to ease the stinging from the brightness. There was muted beeping around her and something tugging gently from her skin in her right arm.  
“Where am I….? Am I in a hospital…?” She whispered to herself.  
Oh, yeah. That’s right, I remember now. I had misfired, I guess I should have had better aim. I am so fucked up…  
Cause you set me on fire  
I’ve never felt so alive, yeah  
She turned her head to the side when she heard muffled sobbing.  
“His’…?” She was able to barely croak out.  
“Ymir…why…why would you do such a thing.” The tiny girl had broken out between sobs.  
Ymir had only just faintly smiled at the girl.  
“I have never felt more alive in my entire life than I did in that moment.” She replied back to her, voice scratchy.  
And I’m at the point of breaking  
And it’s impossible to shake it  
These battle scars don’t look like they’re fading  
Don’t look like they’re ever going away  
I ain’t ever gonna change  
They ain’t never gonna change either.


End file.
